Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Let's make a dent in the universe...

...were the immortal words I needed to hear from somebody.

That somebody died today, October 5th 2011 (funny enough today is another friend's birthday and just 2 days shy of my brother's).

Born a Piscis, died a Libran.
Born a Pariah, died an Emperor.

A frustrated youth that became one of the greatest creative forces this world has ever known.

I first heard of Steve Jobs when I read an article celebrating the microcomputers 20th anniversary, owed in large part to him. I read about the two Steves of Apple, one got fired and opened Next Computers, the other returned to college and pursued a career teaching kids.

I got to meet my first Apple Computer at the age of 4...it was my first computer. The IIgs, the competing Apple II that went against it's own brother the Macintosh (it had color). For many years I couldn't figure out why MS Windows didn't have a cool paint program or sounds or a watch (instead of an hour glass) or that adorable trash can in the corner.

I revived and burnt my Apple IIgs :( . Later I was able to emulate it in Linux (and it was 10 times faster then the original). I tried emulating a Mac in PearPC (which I did successfully) but it was too slow. I finally ceded and got my wish when my brother sold me his PowerBook G4. Later on I would get a Macbook Pro hand me down (this computer) but I was still immensely happy. I have a recently acquired mac mini server sitting at my Dad's home...the pride of my online site.

The idea from Apple was not so much innovation for me. It was taking some place you already knew, adding nice fresh grass, a swing, a slide, a blue sky and the promise of a better tomorrow. I think about twinkies, Combos, my first Lego police car...my first VCR and Cable Television set. Apple is synonymous with home...the first one I remember living in. Having come back to the States after a short time in Mexico - but I don't remember that...

...I remember the beginning of my life (Iselin New Jersey, c. 1983) , a fresh new start, a whole new world...a beautiful sunny new world - with twinkies and Combos. My Apple IIgs was bought a couple of years later but it was still part of a that...in fact...a renaissance of happiness. The windows, the sounds, the graphics and of course the games.

Every time I turn on my Mac I remember that first computer. Sometimes I can still hear someone say in the back of my mind "...it's a fresh new start."

Well Steve...sometimes I imagine that was you. I never got to meet you but...you've certainly left a dent in my life.

P.S. Steve...when my time comes...please come with my parents to pick me up - I'll just be over that grassy hill...a 4 year old boy swinging on his swing.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Goodbye my Rose

I once held a rose in my hand, whose deep red hue made me feel loved by all the world.

I seeded her,
I raised her,
I cherished her,

But she was not mines to keep. I raised her for the world, for the world to hold her. And whilst I held her in my hands, I delighted in a delusion, a selfish little secret...that I could keep her world in my heart and I could be her world forever.

Alas this rose is not for me to keep and I will outlive her most tender moments, but I cannot outlive the love she blesses unto the world.

I only pray that one day, from my decaying body in my grave, I may seed another rose from which I shall nourish with all my heart and all my soul...and that one...that one last rose...should be me, so I too can give my love to the world one last time.

Hence forth, for one fleeting instant, in the blossoming of that rose - the world could welcome me for one last time - with a fleeting smile.

Goodbye my rose.
Goodbye.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Creative fear

What is this great fear?

All this time...all these long years...18 to be exact, I have been hiding in my imaginary realm - but now I am afraid of it. To be used for creating real worlds, real games.

As time presses on I feel more and more afraid of completing any idea for a game.

I can see a beach in my mind...Acapulco. Great places of love and sin. Great opportunities to be happy and to lose my mind.

Is this it? To lose my mind. To not be able to draw the line between fantasy and reality? to not know where my comfort zone is?

My imagination has been my haven, btu now it is just for creating. I have no haven.

Fear of losing myself because I have lost my imagination.

Procrastination...my weapon.

But maybe...juts maybe...she is on the other side.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Poema amorosa

Sí alguna vez tu medía naranja pregunta:

¿Porque bailas?

Le dices: Mi alma baila para quitarte la tristeza en tus ojos.


O puedes decir...


Lagrima de pasión.

Lagrima que brota de tu vientre. Lagrima que coerce los latidos de tu corazón. Esa lagrima única que sale a humedecer tus labios, esa lagrima única que los humecte para que yo las pueda besar. Lagrima que me hace real para ti.


Gota de memorias y esperanzas. Te beso, sellando esas memorias en tus labios y sellando tus esperanzas en mi alma.